Letter of Assistance
by TotoDash
Summary: Dispatched on a solo mission to the world of the living, Hitsugaya finds himself in uncharted waters and no clue of how to manage the situation. With no other choice, he writes a letter to the only one he believes can help.


Lieutenant Momo Hinamori

When you get this, you have to help me, that is an order – or at least a civil request.  
As you probably recall I informed you and Matsumoto both that Head Captain Yamamoto had an 'important' mission for me and me alone and that I was to tell no one of the details. Remember that? You both kept pleading and pleading until I threatened the Sake ... Matsumoto is so predictable nowadays.  
Anyway, this mission is unbearable and I require assistance, don't you make me beg because I am all kinds of desperate and probably would - you know it's serious if I'd be willing to sacrifice my dignity and pride.

As it happens, the mission isn't anything like I imagined or was falsely led to believe. Do you want to know what it is I am currently doing? Of course you do. I'm laying on the floor of a five year old rich kid's bedroom in none other than the world of the living. Do you want to know what else I'm doing (against my will)? Colouring.

Head Captain Yamamoto is forcing me to baby-sit a human child in the world of the living.

Do you know how little I know about children and how to properly maintain the life of one? Let me give you a rough approximation; I know a lot about a lot but saying I know even a little about this is an exaggeration – I don't have a clue what I'm doing!

Not only do I have no idea how to entertain a child, but apparently allowing them to eat whatever they want is a bad idea but at the same time not letting them is also a no go seeing as it always ends in loud, obnoxious tears ... is there a book I can learn this from or..? I have never not been able to learn something from a book before!

Now before you tell me to request a transfer or something equally ridiculous, allow me to remind you that apparently I was the only one 'qualified' for the job. I mean of course I countered that quite clearly Captain Ukitake would be far more suitable for the position however that idea was shredded all to quickly. Apparently in the world of the living parents employ local teenagers to look after their children for them so they can shirk the tedious responsibility of it themselves, but really Momo who would you trust more with your tiny breakable offspring; caring, sickly elder folk or loud, irresponsible teenagers? The correct choice is glaringly obvious – I should not be here.

It's been two days – only two – and already I've been subject to a whole mannerism of horrifying things. I've had more plastic and fabric in my hair over those two days than I believe I have ever had, the horrors that you and Matsumoto have put me through don't even come close. Trust me. Not only that, but this little girl seems to think that glitter makes everything better, but oh do I have news for you, Momo. Glitter is evil. I don't want to talk about it, but trust me.

I'm at my wit's end! Hell I even went and tracked down Kurosaki because he has experience in this field what with having younger sisters and he said I should be "kind but firm" and that I want to "be the authority figure without being terrifying." So I took his advice and I tried that all of today, but getting this child to do anything is like trying to peel a potato with another potato; nothing happens but you get really, really, _really_ frustrated.

Eventually I just shouted at the kid and she kicked me in the shin and ran away, I think she wants me to spend ages trying to find her so I can apologise but I already know where she is – bottom right kitchen cupboard. That's why I'm colouring. I'm making an apology card, underdeveloped brains like that type of thing, right?

This morning I was instructed by the parents to cook a meal for their 'little darling' for dinner and you know I wouldn't ask if I wasn't absolutely desperate.

Anyway I imagine you'd be great with kids, you were always nice to me when I was a spoilt brat of a child so what do you say?

Captain Toshiro Hitsugaya

P.S. As I said, I'm prepared to beg.


End file.
